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THE LILY OF THE NET (Holly Tannen) When first I cruised the Internet Some pleasure there to find A damsel there from AOL Was pleasing to my mind Her polished prose, her flashing wit I never will forget The name she bore was Flora The Lily of the Net. When first I cruised the Internet 'Twas as a kind of joke I posted to the Ballad List And to rec.music.folk The answers she wrote back to me They do torment me yet I fell in love with Flora The Lily of the Net. So I accessed her Web page My heart's delight to see And there I spied a dazzling girl A-smilin' up at me Her rosy cheeks, her ruby lips They sore did me beset I was bewitched by Flora The Lily of the Net. So next I got my courage up And called her on the phone She turned the television down And said she was alone Her voice was so melodious I broke out in a sweat I scarce could speak to Flora The Lily of the Net. For nine long months we e-mailed Till we resolved to meet In San Francisco in a pub Way out on Geary Street I used my frequent flyer miles And swore I'd ne'er regret My plans to meet my Flora The Lily of the Net. For courting of this fair maid I greatly did prepare I bought a suit and got a trim Of my remaining hair. My mother oft had told me What you see is what you get And what I saw was Flora The Lily of the Net. She wore a purple leisure suit All stained with coffee grounds Her hair was bleached, her skin was grey She weighed two hundred pounds Between her flaccid lips she held A hand-rolled cigarette Was this my faithless Flora? The Lily of the Net. And when she saw my stricken face A sigh escaped her breast She took my trembling hand in hers And tearfully confessed The picture was her daughter A twelve-year old nymphet I was betrayed by Flora The Lily of the Net. Come all you ramblin gamblin men Who lurk both night and day Don't trust a gal from AOL Whatever she may say I'd rather have my fantasies I wish I'd never met That false deluding Flora The Lily of the Net. DT #507 Copyright Holly Tannen @parody @computer filename[ LILYNET TUNE FILE: FLORAWST CLICK TO PLAY HT apr97 |
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