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(Jimmie Driftwood's reworking of an older song)

There was a lawyer, his name was Clay
He had but two clients and they wouldn't pay
At last, of starvation, he grew so afraid
He courted and married a wealthy old maid.
At the wedding this lawyer made one big mistake
'Twas not in omitting the wine or the cake
The ring was well chosen, they had a big feed
But the lawyer did not get a warranty deed

He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man

At night in their chamber, this lady arose
And began to prepare to retire and repose
Her husband sat near her admiring her charms
That gave him such pleasure to hold in his arms
She went to the washstand to bathe her fair face
And thus she destroyed all her beauty and grace
The rose on her cheek quickly grew very faint
And he saw on the towel, 'twas nothing but paint

She went to the mirror to take down her hair
And when she got done, her scalp was all bare
Said she, don't be frightened to see my bald head
I'll put on my cap when I get into bed
She hung her false hair on the wall on a peg
And then she proceeded to take off her leg
Her trembling husband got quite a surprise
When she asked him to come and take out her glass eye

The husband stood watching, with trembling lips,
While she unfastened her counterfeit hips;
Just then her false nose clattered down on the floor
And the poor lawyer, screaming, ran out of the door.
Now all you young men who would marry for life,
Be sure in examine your intended wife.
Remember the lawyer who trusted his eyes
And a little while later got quite a surprise.

Copyright Warden Music Co., Inc.
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DT #651
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