This was created last year by a couple Portland DJs who wished to remain anonymous. Topical references can be removed (mostly) by substitution of the earlier chorus for the last one.

THE DAY THAT SANTA DIED

Long, long time ago,
I can still remember
how the presents used to make me smile
And I knew if I was real good
I'd get a horsy made of wood
And it made me very happy for a while
Christmas time would make me quiver
with all the presents he'd deliver
Reindeer on the rooftop
Hoping I'd be his next stop

But I can’t remember if I cried
when I figured out my parents lied
But something touched me deep inside ...
the day that Santa died.

CHORUS:
So bye, bye to a jolly old guy
I thought it was impossible for Santa to die
Could it have been the eggnog or the whole pumpkin pies?
His cholesterol was really too high
Could this have been why Santa Claus died?

The children perched upon his knees
He looked just like Dom DeLuis
Then Kris Kringle clutched his chest (Ho! Ho! H..thud)
The call went out for miles around
"Shoppers we have a Santa down"
A Hallmark Christmas cardiac arrest
The paramedics shocked his belly
which left a scent of burning jelly
I broke out in a cold sweat -
He hadn't heard my list yet
Then the children got an awful fright
on this tragic Christmas shopping night - The
body bag was red and white
the day that Santa died.

CHO: They were singing...

Now all the children have the blues,
except the Buddhists and Hindus
They don't have a Christmas anyway
I saw a special bulletin
This afternoon on CNN
they found traces of fen - phen
That's why poor Santa *sniff* .... died

So...

CHORUS:
Bye bye to a jolly old guy
I thought it was impossible for Santa to die
So Elton John rewrote this song just like Lady Di's
All about the day that Santa Claus died.