Redback On The Toilet Seat
Ralph Ernest 'Slim' Newton

There was a redback on the toilet seat, when I was there last night
I didn't see him in the dark, but boy I felt his bite.
I jumped high up into the air and when I hit the ground
That crafty redback spider, wasn't nowhere to be found.

I rushed into the missus, told her just where I'd been bit
She grabbed the cut-throat razor blade, and I nearly took a fit.
I said, "Just forget what's on your mind and call the doctor, please,
'Cause I've got a feeling that your cure is worse than the disease."

Chorus: There was a redback on the toilet seat, when I was there last night
I didn't see him in the dark, but boy I felt his bite.
And now I'm here in hospital, a sad and sorry site
And I curse the redback spider, on the toilet seat last night.

I can't lie down, I can't sit up and I don't know what to do
And all the nurses think it's funny, but that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrassing and that to say the least
That I'm too sick to eat a bit, while that spider had a feast.

And when I get back home again, I'll tell you what I'll do
I'll make that redback suffer, for the pain I'm going through.
I've had so many needles, that I'm looking like a sieve
And I promise you that spider, hasn't very long to live.