CHOCOLATE
(Marcus Turner)

When you're tired and depressed, and feeling lonely,
When your chequebook's in the red, and you are blue,
When you've left the freezer open, or your rubber band is broken,
Or you've dropped the toilet paper down the loo,
If you feel a sudden urge to wash the bread-knife,
Or to sniff at the exhaust-pipe of your car,
Or to farewell those you love 'n' take a nap inside the oven,
Stop! Salvation's just a sup from where you are!

CHO: When you're feeling down, the best way up is chocolate:
It's the answer that will get you through the day.
Let me get my teeth around something small and square and brown,
And I'll masticate until I feel O.K.

Now, when God had finished making all the heavens,
And the valleys and the mountains and the seas,
And the weather, and the weasels, and the squid, and German measles,
And the gherkins, and Hong Kong, and all the fleas,
On the seventh day, as he was sitting resting,
He was feeling in a very chipper mood.
There came one more inspiration for one last divine Creation:
Something fit to please a God, that could be chewed! CHO.

When I see a bar of chocolate lying idle,
It always seems to find its way inside my jaws.
It's a shame to mess about, 'cos it tastes better in than out,
And it's going to a very worthy cause.
And although it won't endear me to my dentist,
And my doctor will be worried for my health,
And it's given me a skinful of enormous oily pimples,
I'm still feeling very good about myself! CHO.

Just remember, if it's chocolate, you can eat it:
Chocolate eggs and chocolate fish and chocolate chips,
Chocolate steak and mousse and frogs, chocolate beans and mice and logs,
Let a chocolate bomb explode across your lips!
Some is crunchy, and is filled with Hokey-pokey,
Some is thrown about by cowboys, and is white.
There's a whole world out there waiting: don't just sit there salivating,
Pull your socks up, brace yourself and Bite! Bite! Bite! CHO.

You will never have a bad trip eating chocolate.
And it's tastier than sex, and much more fun.
Keep your pills and dope and glue, and your gin and whiskey too,
'Cos there's no buzz like a chocolate Buzz - Bar none!
If you really, really love me, give me chocolate,
Give me chocolate 'till it's coming out my ears.
All I crave is just enough so I can indolently stuff
Myself for years and years and years and years and years! CHO.