Guys

The Banter (new parlance for for Glasgow patter) is wonderful.

An American was trying to hitchhike to London but knew he had no chance from Glasgow city centre so hopped on a bus to the end of the M74 motorway (main route south). Glasgow Zoo was the stop he wanted.

I swear I heard this conversation as the guy came upstairs on the bus.

American:    Can someone tell me where to get off for the zoo?

Local         Aye son. Jistgitaffitthestoapaffourady".
                      (Just get off at the stop before me).

I also heard the following conversation around Hallowe'en last year. A couple standing in front of me in the supermarket.

She says   "goangetapumkinfurraweanshalaeen"
          (Go and get a pumpkin for the childrens' hallowe'en)
Exit him and on return "Rapumkinshelluvawee"
                      (The pumpkin is rather small)
She         "Sowriurr"
            (You are correct)
Davebhoy    "That's a melon mate"
            (What a pair of feckwits)

Also, our office has a notice about the Trade Union AGM. We are in Glasgow, the AGM in Edinburgh. It says "Buses will leave the office at 5pm. Anyone needing transport please write their name below". It's behind a glass panel.

There is also the apochryphal tale of how Burns became our national poet. Apparently on a sojourn to a hostelry he wooed the landlord's daughter. On his return he was met with the greeting "Hoi. You're Bard!".

You do not need take make anything up in Glasgow. Simply keep your eyes and ears open and comedy attack you.