Hey, you are a truly miserable and specist lot, you are. You talk of happiness with llamas, with hamsters, perhaps with condors and chickens, with tigers and cats and dogs.

You talk of marriage as well as less permanent arrangements.

And yet...

And yet...

You give NO consideration to those who continue to live in the cradle of all life. Yeah, I'm talking about us non-mammalian sea dwellers.

Oh, sure, you might have a fling with one of those so-called "marine mammals," a polar bear or a whale or a dolphin. Years back your lonesome sailors might even have mated with a manatee or screwed a seal.

But what about the cod or the herring, which you have so long longed for? Just because ling cod isn't up to your air-loving standard of so-called beauty, you distain this wonderful companion and, let's say it, lusty partner.

And the deeper you look into it the kinkier it all becomes. Try a little octopod action sometime for something you'll never forget, stud.

No, maybe it's better that you bipeds have such a pulmonaricentric view of things. You just stick with your limited experiences with K-Y jelly, six or seven partners, various foods and other quirks. You don't do well under pressure anyway.