No-one's mentioned the classic music hall song 'Swim Sam Swim' recorded umpty mumble years ago by the group Regal Slip on their album, Bandstand. I've used it as a sobriety test for years - to the point where audiences can even join in on the double-speed final chorus.

Sammy was a sailor, a sailor big and bold
Shipped on board a whaler and tumbled overboard.
Shouted, 'Someone save me'. Someone said, 'Go hang!
The sharks are swimming round you' then his shipmates sang ...

CHORUS
Swim Sam, swim Sam, swim Sam, show them you're some swimmer,
Swim like the snow white swan, Sam, you know how the snow white swan swam,
Six sharp shivering sharks are gonna snap your limb
But a swim well swum is a well swum swim,
So swim Sam, swim Sam, swim!

Sammy swam with vigour, the race had just begun
Sharks all eyed his figure, 'All jelly!' shouted one.
One old portly porpoise, bobbed up in the foam
And shouted, 'If you want to catch that last boat home' ...

CHORUS

Sharks all joined the chorus and said, while in the brine,
'Ragtime ditties bore us, but by gum, this is fine'.
They spluttered with their esses until they got lock-jawed
And Sammy left them singing as he climbed on board.

CHORUS