I would like to say that I am only willing to appear on this 'ere f'read postchumously because I don't wish to implicytied in what is becoming an embarrassin scandal for Rutledge 'Ouse. Therefore altho you might see my name at the top of this 'ere posting that doesn't mean that I am actually involved in any personal way wot might be contstrewed as reflectin badly on Rutledge 'Ouse. I am innocent of any malpropisms in regard to this affair. I 'ave no axe to grind. Be that as it may, I wish to state categorikcly that we all miss our Miss Penelope and is 'opin' that she will return un'armed to the bosom of this community and this 'ome wot she calls 'er own. I don't 'old wif Dagoe chaps messin' about wif fine British ladies, and I 'ope this Arturo Infinito Espinosio or wotever 'e calls 'imself gets 'is comeuppence wif tuppence and is sent back to Spain where 'e belongs wif a flea in 'is ear!

Cor! I need a drink.

Albert McSwiggins, Gardener at Rutledge 'Ouse and proud of it.