THE IRISH BALLAD
(Tom Lehrer)
As recorded by Tom Lehrer on "Revisited" (1960)

1. About a maid I'll sing a song.
Sing rickety tickety tin.
About a maid I'll sing a song
Who didn't have her family long.
Not only did she do them wrong,
She did every one of them in, them in,
She did every one of them in.

2. One morning in a fit of pique,
Sing rickety tickety tin,
One morning in a fit of pique,
She drowned her father in the creek.
The water tasted bad for a week,
And we had to make do with gin, with gin,
We had to make do with gin.

3. Her mother she could never stand.
Sing rickety tickety tin.
Her mother she could never stand,
And so a cyanide soup she planned.
The mother died with a spoon in her hand
And her face in a hideous grin, a grin,
Her face in a hideous grin.

4. She set her sister's hair on fire.
Rickety tickety tin.
She set her sister's hair on fire,
And as the smoke and flame rose higher,
Danced around the funeral pyre,
Playing a violin, -olin,
Playing a violin.

5. She weighted her brother down with stones.
Rickety tickety tin.
She weighted her brother down with stones
And sent him off to Davy Jones.
All they ever found were some bones
And occasional pieces of skin, of skin,
Occasional pieces of skin.

6. One day when she had nothing to do,
Sing rickety tickety tin,
One day when she had nothing to do,
She cut her baby brother in two
And served him up as an Irish stew
And invited the neighbors in, -bors in,
Invited the neighbors in.

7. And when at last the police came by,
Sing rickety tickety tin,
And when at last the police came by,
Her little pranks she did not deny.
To do so she would have had to lie,
And lying she knew was a sin, a sin,
Lying she knew was a sin.

8. My tragic tale I won't prolong.
Rickety tickety tin.
My tragic tale I won't prolong,
And if you did not enjoy my song,
You've yourselves to blame if it's too long.
You should never have let me begin, begin,
You should never have let me begin.