Here you go: WHAT CAN YOU GIVE A NUDIST ON HIS BIRTHDAY (No idea who wrote this, but it was recorded by Gracie Fields) Oh, dear! I am worried. [Ha-ha-ha-ha!] I know I'm laughin' really, but I am worried. It's my brother's birthday and I don't know what to buy him. Oh, dear! Can I ask you a question, a question that's silly? It's something I can't figure out. I hope you won't say no. It's all about me brother, me brother, John Willy. He's joined a nudist colony so what I want to know— What can you buy a nudist on his birthday, birthday? What sought sort of birthday present can you buy? I can't think what to give 'im, no matter how I try. Do you think he would be allowed to wear his old school tie? [Ha-ha!] What can you give a nudist for a present? [Ha-ha!] The things I used to buy him would be wrong. I'd send a cheque but, dash it, how could he go out and cash it? [Ha-ha!] What can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along? [Ha-ha!] What can you give a nudist for his birthday? What sought sort of birthday present can you buy? I bought a pair of braces, just like a silly pup, But what's the good of braces if there's nowt wants holdin' up? [Ha-ha!] What can you give a nudist for a present? [Ha-ha!] I'm sure a bowler hat would be all wrong. And he's not the kind of fella who would need an umbrella. Oh, what can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along? Oh, dear, dear! [Ha-ha!] I've been in holy terror the time they that I make an error. I did think of a camera, but snapshots are taboo. A bicycle sounds stupid when you're dressed up like cupid. I must send somethin' soon, and oh, that's why I'm askin' you. What can you give a nudist on his birthday? What sought sort of birthday present can you buy? And here's another riddle, but give it up I won't: When at a dance, do they wear fancy dress or do they don't? What can you give a nudist for a present? [Ha-ha!] I somehow think that cuff links would be wrong. And a watch chain would look silly draped across the front of Willy. What can you give a [Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha....] What can you give a nudist on his birthday? What sought sort of birthday present can you buy? I have heard that they play hockey, so something I have got, But I don't know for certain if they wear shin guards or not. What can you give a nudist for a present? A shop girl told me spats would be all wrong. She said, "Good gracious, madam! Just imagine spats on Adam!" [Ha-ha!] What can you give a nudist when his birthday comes along? [Ha-ha-ha!] Oh, dear, dear! What can I buy? No, let's be—really there is no—honest, what can I buy? —A lump of soap. —A lump of soap! Ooh, that's a good idea: a lump of soap! And he's always smoky too. That's good. Thank you very much! [Ha-ha!] Cheers, Dave Roberts
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