Cor! If I was wivin reach of this Bee-dobulle-U 'ell bugger I would box 'is ears for 'im, the rotten bastard! 'E's got nerve to be speakin' the way 'e does about our beloved Ms Penelope, 'oo 'as barely survived 'oo knows what 'orrors in the wilds of southern Europe and 'is now back where she ought to be in Twillingsgate. I wish I 'ad my 'ands around 'is froat, the rotten swine!

Ms Rutledge 'as indeed suffered a mark to 'er face wot looks to me like she got cut wif somefink! Cor! I know fer a fact that Ms Rutledge is a mean 'and wif dueling swords and I fink she must 'ave 'ad to defend 'erself against some vicious attacker! If so, I trust that she despatched the villain smartly. 'E's probably 'ad to be buried in several pieces would be my guess.

Crikey! It's a strange world we are living in these days, wot wif 'omicidal maniacs attacking 'igh class British women. Don't forget that Princess Diana died when she went abroad! I fink we ought to cut off relations wif the outside world entirely and rebuild 'Adrian's Wall, only around the coastlines this time, if you follow...

- Albert McSwiggins, faithful servant to Rutledge 'Ouse