Heard this again in ABC Radio Nationasl Science Show and was pleased to recall that these lyrics had been posted, but there's a sequel as well.

The tune? It's the same tune as 'My God How The Money Rolls In", but I can't recall what the well lnown original is called.

Regards, John

THE COW'S LAMENT

I have just given birth to a calf sir,
And with motherly pride I am full,
But pray do not laugh
And please do not chaff
When I tell you I've not had a bull.

The farmyard's a drearier place, sir,
The meadows are not longer gay,
Since the one bit of fun
In the year's dismal run
Has, by science, been taken away.

No bull has embraced me with passion,
I've not had the ghost of a binge.
I haven't been loved
I've been ruthlessly shoved
By a girl, with a flaming syringe.

You may say that is all very well, sir,
There are some things a cow should not say,
But those veterinary tarts
Who play with our parts,
They still get it the old-fashioned way.

Submitted to Science Show by David Marland


THE BULL'S DESPAIR

They say I'm a champion bull, sir,
My genes are the best ones to sow,
My brothers all got
The unkindest cut
But with pride I still swing to and fro.

My grandfather told me his exploits,
Of springtimes the natural way,
He and his mates
Would rush through the gates
And see how many cows they could lay.

Now, I've fathered some thousands of calves, sir,
Yet I've not seen a flesh and blood heifer,
For me, it's a vet
With a latex pipette
In a fibreglass cow, that they proffer.

Darwin showd us behaviour's passed down, sir,
We seek romance to help us beget,
If this practice adheres
For some thousands of years
Bulls will lust for the most dextrous vet!

Submitted to Science Show by Ian Bryce