And now that the girl is sexually active, it's time to start those wonderful internal exams (I know we all love those)-- not too soon after YOUR talk with her, but not to be put off too long either.

Our local family practice has a nurse that specializes in walking girls through their first pelvic exam and blood tests, and she also dispenses info about STDs, and so forth. It can be very helpful to have this older mentor-woman, who is not "Oh MOM (you geek)!" or some other involved adult with whom the girl has baggage. Mom should definitely pick out the place and practitioner, tho, and offer to go with the girl if she can do it supportively but not in "poor you" or "it was awful for me the first time" mode. I believe this appt can also be the occasion for demonstrating how a condom is put on (mom should inquire in advance), and girls need to know this, cuz if they are some guys' first time, he may not know how to do it effectively (put on the condom, I mean, LOL).

We told our kids-- a blended family so we were parents as well as step-parents-- that the box of condoms would be kept sticoked on the shared bathroom, and that there would be no discussion if and when we saw the stock depleting. (Three kids all in puberty at the same time, oh my GOD.) We encouraged them to wait, and at school they had examples all around them of kids who had not. "I'm going to need a note to get out of afternoon class so I can go with my friend to get married-- her baby's due any day." But we also armed them with info and resources.

And once a girl is sexually active, it's time to consider The Pill. There is even a patch, as well as an under-skin implant (or maybe it's an injection) that lasts for quite a long time.... sometimes girls in foster care are made to have this done. Those issues are fraught with various viewpoints and risks, but the time to start thinking about them comes now-- not attached to YOUR talk, as I said, but soon.

And again, on sexualization of young people-- I understand that in some less-repressive cultures, in environments where young adults have had the freedom to do what they please, along with rational information, what they often tend to do is experiment with their age-mates. Once the novelty wears off they find it all rather empty if devoid of commitment, and stop on their own unill their ability to form longterm attachments matures.

Also, close friends of mine in high school came to the conclusion all on their own that their intense love might not be the same as a longterm commitment. The sex they'd been having was more than they could handle well, and they decided in light of their longterm goals that they needed to cool it-- for themselves and for one another's sake. They decided that being alone with each other so much was the risk, so they changed that pattern.

So if no one panics this girl, she may recall this as a blip on the radar in the context of her own lifetime.

~Susan