If I may offer another perspective...A GOOD drummer can play at low volume and still sound good...the first thing that I explain to any drummer I hire for my rhythm section is that excessive volume will get him/her fired immediately! (This has led to me being called many ugly names, but "that's just the way it is"...it's MY name on the marquee, and my band is not, and never has been, a democracy.)

My present drummer, Bill, when informed of this, explained that for lower volume, one simply uses lighter sticks and/or brushes. He also speculated that ALL "loud only" drummers are SELF-TAUGHT, as schooled drummers understand DYNAMICS.

Loud drummers (just like loud electric guitarists) eventually start going deaf, and just get louder to compensate.

BTW, we rehearse acoustically, with only the bassist (Chris) plugged into a (3 watt) amp, and Bill does everything that he does on stage, just softer.

Perhaps, suggest your neighbor take lessons from a good jazz drummer.