god, you guys. thank you so much for your responses. there are a million different perspectives here, all valid, all well considered, all kind. i'm taking it all under advisement, most especially:

calling the helplines for myself (not to "tell" on her; you're right, diesel, that would be a betrayal of her trust)

talking frankly about the ramifications of what she's considering

helping her make a list of things she could do besides killing herself

being there to help her get started on those things

continuing to talk up the merits of SSRI's

telling her again and again how much i love her

and taking care of myself.

silly me; i wasn't expecting all the sweet beautiful comforting things you've said to help me! of course, if i take a moment to remember who y'all are... : ) thank you again, friends. my heart flows with love for every one of you. whatever happens here, i know that your words have been a help and hope. you go with me where ever i go.

love,
emily