Depression shows its face in many ways, and we just don't understand all of those manifestations. I have lived with it and occasionally in spite of it for decades. At various times professionals have helped. I am thankful for that. The medication route can be a rocky road. Not all meds work for all people. However, take the time to consult a therapist/doctor/counsellor. See someone who works in the area of 'depression'. Until you take that step you will likely be no further toward understanding the condition and how it plays out in YOU. The people who have posted, myself included, can tell you our stories and even listen to yours, but really none of us are able to DO anything about it for you. Hie yourself to a doctor and get 'diagnosed'. It is the beginning of a journey for you, because the probability of finding a med-therapy combination that works on the first try is really low. Could take upto a year. But if you don't take the first step you just won't make any progress at all.

Depression is a hell of a thing to live with. Those who don't have it won't really understand. Those who do understand only too well. Get to a doctor. Soonest. That is important.