I got sent these two below. Sorry to the non UK peeps who dont know what Chavs are and might need a Chav-English dictionary.

Chav Nativity

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Befle'em on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on
their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're
wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella

12 days of Chavmas
On the 1st day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, a pikey in Burberry.

On the 2nd day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 3rd day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 4th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 5th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, fiiiveee gooolldd
riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 6th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 7th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 8th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 9th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 10th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 11th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, eleven prammers pushing, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry.

On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me, twelve chavvers
chavving, eleven prammers pushing, ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies
drinking, eight midriffs showing, seven scallies stealing, six teens
a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs, four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry