As a French gay rights activist and an intellectual dilletante who hates Americans, is deeply leftist, and approves of effete, ivory-tower pontification of every sort, I must say, Martin, that I take umbrage to your insensitive remarks on this forum. Deep umbrage. I am going to find out where you live and come and visit you for a few months, however long it takes, and by my eloquence save you from the terrible state of mind you have devolved into with your obscene ranting on this forum. I will soon have you reading good literature and eating properly cooked food. I will teach you to admire France. You will realize that Chicago is a hellhole, and you will move to Paris, there to become a much different man. You will secure French citizenship and turn your back on the cesspool of urban America. You will eat quiche and drink tea with one finger sticking daintily out to the side. You will eat champignons and truffles. You will write a long apology to all those whom you have thoughtlessly savaged on this forum and elsewhere, and subject yourself to self-flagellation in repentance. You will leave the archaic faith of Judaism behind and become a liberal humanist. All this I am willing to do on behalf of a suffering humanity. Why? Because I am the kind who cares, Martin. I care deeply about you, as I do about all those who have been led astray. I feel your pain.

Expect me to arrive about mid-January.