Here we go: The Monty Python Spam Sketch Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings. A husband and wife enter. Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear. Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right. Man (to Waitress): Morning! Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag): Morning! Husband: Well, what've you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage, and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon, and spam; egg, bacon, sausage, and spam; spam, bacon, sausage, and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon, and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato, and spam; Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam... Waitress: ...spam, spam, spam, egg, and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam... Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage, and spam, that's not got much spam in it. Wife: I don't want ANY spam! Husband: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam, and sausage? Wife: THAT'S got spam in it! Husband: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage, and spam, has it? Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines) Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Urgghh! Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress: Shut up! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg, bacon, spam, and sausage without the spam. Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam! Husband: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, beaked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam! Vikings (singing): Spam, spam, spam, spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off. Husband: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words) Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam! Blank Image LFF
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