With humble apologies to the author:

'Twas the week after Christmas and all through the house,
nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies (I nibbled!!), the eggnog (what taste!!!),
at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
So I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I remembered the marvelous meals I'd prepared.
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
the wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
the way I didn't say "No, thank you, please."
As I dressed myself up in my husband's old shirt,
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself (as I only can)
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!!"
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip!
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie not even a lick.
I only will chew on a celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits or corn bread or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry
"I'm hungry, I'm lonesome and life is a bore
but isn't that what January's for?"
I'm unable to giggle or laugh like a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!!!