Aha! Perhaps one has already been written.

Maybe this was what The Thing was all about, only over the years the box has disappeared.

The Thing

While I was walking down the beach one bright and sunny day
I saw a great big wooden box a-floatin' in the bay
I pulled it in and opened it up and much to my surprise
Oh!, I discovered a (boom-boom-boom) right before my eyes
Oh!, I discovered a (boom-boom-boom) right before my eyes.

I picked it up and ran to town as happy as a king
I took it to a guy I knew who'd buy 'most anything
But this is what he hollered at me as I walked in his shop
"Oh!, get out of here with that (boom-boom-boom) before I call a cop!
Oh!, get out of here with that (boom-boom-boom) before I call a cop!"

I turned around and got right out, a-running for my life
And then I took it home with me to give it to my wife
But this is what she hollered at me as I walked in the door
"Oh!, get out of here with that (boom-boom-boom) and don't come back no more!
Oh!, get out of here with that (boom-boom-boom) and don't come back no more!"

I wandered all around the town until I chanced to meet
A hobo who was looking for a handout on the street
He said he'd take 'most any old thing - he was a desperate man
But when I showed 'im the (boom-boom-boom) he turned around and ran
Oh!, when I showed 'im the (boom-boom-boom) he turned around and ran.

I wandered on for many years, a victim of my fate
Until one day I came upon St. Peter at the gate
And when I tried to take it inside, he told me where to go
"Get out of here with that (boom-boom-boom) and take it down below!
Oh, get out of here with that (boom-boom-boom) and take it down below!"

The moral of this story is if you're out on the beach
And you should see a great big box and it's within your reach
Don't ever stop and open it up - that's my advice to you
'Cause you'll never get rid of the (boom-boom-boom) no matter what you do
Oh, you'll never get rid of the (boom-boom-boom) no matter what you do