Hi Wolfgang -- if you want to go ahead and adjust your earlier version, that is O.K., with me. I have been learning and playing this for some time now. I agree with all your corrections, except that in line 4 I hear "eventide". The only problem I have with the translation as a whole is that the line "My heart wouldn't be weaving like the lark at dawn" is, as far as I can tell, contrary to the spirit of this part of the song (If I could believe they are coming I would be cheered up). It should probably be something like "my heart would be soaring like the lark and dawn", but of course then you miss the internal rhyme of the "e's". Still, it is a little irritating.
yours, Peter T.