MRS CRANDALL'S BOARDING HOUSE
Written by George Millar, Wilcil McDowell & Will Millar (members of the Irish Rovers)
As sung by the Irish Rovers on "The Best of the Irish Rovers" (1999)

1. In the boarding house I lived in, ev'rything was growing old:
Silver threads among the butter and the cheese was green with mould.
When the dog died we had sausages; when the cat died, catnip tea.
When the landlord died I left there; spareribs were too much for me!

CHORUS: Oh, my dear Mrs Crandall, I think I like you a lot.
I lived in your house quiet as a mouse; someday you'll be caught.

2. Well, girls can never change their nature; it is quite beyond their reach.
Mrs Crandall is a lemon; she can never be a peach.
But the law of compensation is the one I always preach:
You can always squeeze a lemon; have you tried to squeeze a peach? CHORUS

3. The train was standing at the station; I was rushing full of care
When I tripped on her cat and I stumbled and fell headlong down the stairs.
Mrs Crandall came up to me; "Did you miss a step, me son?"
"No," I says, "Me dear landlady, I hit every bloomin' one!" CHORUS