I wanted to share this since it made a big impact on me.

A friend once mentioned to me, after a mutual friend had passed away, that it doesn't really work well to tell the other family members, "please let me know if there's anything I can do." or "please call me if there's something I can do for you."

They are in shock and grief and often can't think of what someone could do and sometimes just can't make the effort to reach out to call and say what they might need or like. My friend told me to think about what or how I could offer something (bring food, do errands, whatever), and to just either do it (if it wasn't intrusive) or to call/write with a specific offer.

It's almost like we say that ("let me know if there's anything I can do") because we don't know what else to say. I know we don't say it casually , but even if it's heartfelt, it doesn't often do what we would want it to. I know, because I've said it many times myself, and it's been more because I couldn't think of anything else to say but didn't want to end the conversation.

It's hard to just say "I am so very sorry for your loss." It's just not enough.