Bill, your mention of "ranch" reminded me of something I got a real laugh out of in an English folder on One Net:

Monday, August 25, 1997 12:50:24 PM
English Item
From: Larry Nordell,METNET-Helena
Subject: A southern US Engish lexicon, passed along without comment.
To: English
Subject: Fwd: Hickphonics

The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in by labeling African American slang as the language "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.

A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI -noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW -Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD -verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
JAWJUH -noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER -noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS -noun. A calendar division. Usage: "I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK -verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE -noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
IGNERT -adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH -noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
ALL -noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
FAR -noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR -noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE -noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD -Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT -noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
RATS -noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN -adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country."
DID -adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR -noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR -noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
JEW HERE -Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE -a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
SEED -verb, past tense of "to see".
VIEW -contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"
GUMMIT -Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

enjoy!
judy