Nothing could go wrong today
I told myself with firm belief,
Almost choking in the bathroom
On a set of my wife's false teeth.

Nothing could go wrong today
And of this I was fairly sure,
Fetching the milk off the step
Trapping the cat inside the door.

Nothing could go wrong today
I possessed a determined will,
Coughing on the smoke from
My burnt toast under the grill.

Nothing could go wrong today
And I could not be more certain
On sitting down I heard a crunch:
My glasses gone for a burton.

Nothing could go wrong today
I trusted in my own conviction,
Throwing in the rubbish bin
The council's notice of eviction.

Nothing could go wrong today
But my wife just shook her head,
And like every Friday the 13th
I undressed and returned to bed.