Going off at a tangent (which I always thought was a segment of tangerine) deos anywhere else in the world apart from the Indian sub-continent have the plethora of dingily lit and unsavoury looking kebab stalls that we have in the UK? The kebabs themselves look no better as they resemble a glutinous mass of compressed eyelids and arseholes occasionally warmed by a small calor gas flame.

Even a dozen pints of quasi Australian falling down water couldn't tempt me.

The other thing that bothers me is why do fish and chip shops close so early these days?

To you, dear reader, these may seem like senile ramblings but to me they questions of national importance.

Yes nurse, I have taken my medication!