I just got a new guitar tuner. His name is Phil and he is one hard-working sonofabitch. I'll tell you. I set him to work on my Martin and I'll bet you that it wasn't fifteen minutes and he had it back in my lap and sounding like a million bucks.

Well, except that he had that damn D string just a little sharp. I think that the windings get caught in the nut and it's a mother to get tuned 'cause as you tighten it, it goes .... almostD-almostD-almostD- *PING* -Eflat.

Pisses me off.

Phil hated it too. I hated to have to deduct from his pay on his very first day on the job, and I don't want to have to find yet another guitar tuner, but I can't put up with that crap. Phil knew what he was getting into when he took the job. You don't put out a resume with the "professional guitar tuner" claim, and then hand a guy a guitar with a sharp D string. Not on the first day.

But I think Phil will work out. He seems humble enough and he never asks to play my expensive guitars. He seems content to just tune them. Sure, I've caught him leering at my Traugott, but what red-blooded guitar-playing guy wouldn't get woody with that thing nearby?

So if you're really still looking for a guitar tuner, I'd be glad to ask Phil if he knows anyone who'd take the job. Or maybe you could just check Craig's list?