For a man wearing a gaudy necktie : "Who died and left you that?".

I'll kick you so hard up the arse, you'll chew leather for a week.

Pretentious people : All fur coats and no knickers.

Stupid person :Thick as a piss-stone (US : - urinal) and twice as wet.

Fidget : running round like a fart in a colander - can't decide which hole to come out of.

Unlucky : I would dive into a barrel of tits and come out sucking my thumb.

Pretentious person : thinks his arsehole is a perfume factory.

Stupid person : has a head like the bottom of a baby's pram - full of piss, rust and biscuit crumbs.

Ugly : face like a bulldog licking piss off a wire brush.

Stupid person : were you born a pillock, or did you practice ?

Go away : shit bricks, build a wall and hide behind it.

Dialogue : I would call you a c**t, but C**ts are useful.

Diseased ones aren't !

What for you kick my dog, and call him fuck off ? his name is Rover !

About as much use as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest.

Neither use nor fucking ornament.