There you go, Sandra; a companion song to Cathy's "Precious Gift" (aka "The Tony Abbott Song")

Tony Abbott is 'all smuggler and no budgie!'

Tune:         Across the Western Plains I must wander,
               Across the Western Ocean I must wander, and
               All for me grog

Oh my name is Tony Abbott, I was once a randy rabbit
but now I'm Leader of The Opposition
So now I pontificate on every woman's sexual fate
and I'm often asked to make a proposition.

I joined the seminary but obedience was too scary
so I went and joined the local Liberal Party
I became John Howard's man though his policies didn't scan
and I thought myself a right political smarty.

A young bloke that I knew, he was in the media crew
I had thought to be the offspring of a screw, boys
I had had a brief liaison, as a young man with emission
but it turned out other cuckoos were in season.

In an interview one day I gave restraint a little spray
but applied it only to young women
Their virginity's a gift that should not be lightly left'
but young men I never even mentioned.

I'm in a surfing club and I wear their uniform
showing off my pecs and wearing budgie smugglers
I ride my racing bike and do "Iron Mans' if I like
and in politics I'm best of all the jugglers.

But when it comes to "walk the walk" not just talking only talk
the voters are so critical with their judging.
I make statements every day but give policies? "No way!"
"Tony Abbott is 'all smuggler and no budgie!'"

After the Hymn Singing Session at the 2010 National Folk Festival I overheard someone comment about the lack of policy substance in Tony Abbott's then recent statement on Health Policy. The immediate riposte from the other party to the conversation was "Tony Abbott is 'all smuggler and no budgie!'" I thought it too good to let slide unrecorded.

Cheers, Rowan