JOAN O'GREENFIELD'S VISIT TO QUEEN VICTORIA

TUNE:- "Cork Leg"

  There's nothing scarce lately run in folk's yeads,
  But summat about our young Queen gettin wed,
  So ne day aw at once it popt into my nob,
  That if hoo'd wed me it would be no bad job.
                          Right to ra loo, &c.
  
  The neighbours agreed they thought it wur no joke,
  As there's but very few as good lookin folk;
  So I dress'd myself up, my new hat on I stuck,
  And set off to Lunnun o tryin my luck.
  
  Well I geet up to Lunnun un found palace out,
  But the guards wanted t' know aw my business obout;
  But, I said, stand away, what I ha' to tell,
  I shall say it to nobody but th' Missus hursel.
  
  Why, I said, chaps, what foos you mun be,
  If you'd e're been i Oldham you'd o yeard tell o me,
  If my feyther'd been here he'd o bother'd your lugs,
  For he once coom o seeing King George in his clugs.
  
  I shoved em oside, and walked into this shop,
  And till reet afore th' Queen I ne'er made to stop;
  But hur women they scream'd and made such a do,
  Says I to em - now, what the devil's the row!
  
  Come now, my lasses, un reach me o chair,
  I'st behave myself pratty, you need not to fear,
  But t'would happen be better if you go away,
  For I've summot in private to th' Missus to say.
  
  But for makin o move they seem'd no way inclined,
  So I drew up o chair to tell th' Queen my mind;
  I said, I'm inform'd you're for weddin some mon,
  So I've made up my mind to be th' King if I con.
  
  O rare fine procession you had t'other day,
  Un nothin but grandeur un shoutin aw th' way,
  You would o look'd weel if I'd been wi you there,
  For we'd surely o made o rare fine lookin pair.
  
  At Greenfield where I come frow, we're none bad to do,
  Respectable kinsfolk we'n getten no few,
  Situations they held such there's not many here,
  For I once had an uncle as served as o'erseer.
  
  When we pay um a vist by way of o mank,
  They'll receive us un treat us like folk of hee rank.
  They'n both, cocks, hens, un ducks, un pig in the sty,
  Un each Sunday o great slappin potatoe pie.
  
  Them I'm reckon'd o rum un omong politics,
  I'll stop all their waste and extravagant tricks,
  I'll ha' th' werk gradely done, or I'll alter their rigs,
  For I'll nother be gammont wi tories nor whigs.
  
  Nor will I be freetent wi th' radical set,
  But I'll wipe off o lot o this national debt;
  I'll poo down taxation, un look into th' cause,
  Why we'n not a revision omong the corn laws.
  
  I'll examine reet close int' that long pension list,
  Un those sinecure place men, I'll give em o twist;
  I'll mend some o th' werk o your late uncle Will,
  I'll send to owd Harry - th' New Poor-law Bill.
  
  I'll ha' votin by ballot, un th' suffrage extend,
  To show poor folk ot they'n getten one friend,
  I'll stir up aw Europe to make a good trade,
  Folks shall aw ha' good jobs, and be very well paid.
  
  I'll see if th' Parliament nought can be said,
  To get the young men the young women to wed;
  For if they but knew aw the charms of o wife,
  Noo foo would live single aw th' days of his life.
  
  So, what say you to me - I think you'll agree,
  You'll not get another to suit you like me;
  You'll see aw your business I'st manage so clever,
  They'll shout Joan o'Greenfield, un th' young Queen for ever.
  
  She smiled aw the while I wur tellin my tale;
  I thought on the yead I have hit the reet nail;
  But after hem! blushing! un coughin o bit,
  Hoo said like hoo thought I shouldn't quite fit.
  
  I felt mysel vex'd as I went to the door,
  And I said don't think I'll offer mysel ony more;
  You may search, if you like, aw o'er England and France,
  But by gadlin you'll not get another such chance.
  
  I slam'd to the door un oway I coom out,
  Where the servants wur laughin un giglin obout;
  If I'd known hoo'r so proud I'd never gone to th' expense;
  But there's no hopes o teachin these young women sense.
  
  So now I'm returnin to Greenfield ogain,
  I'll most like make it up wi owd sweetheart Nan;
  If Queen hears o that hoo'll be rare un ill vex'd,
  Un hoo'll happen be kinder when I offer next.