I'm first generation American. My favorite aunt used to say, "The time to start looking for a new job is the day after you got your current one." Usually I wait a week, but you better believe I have a resume out there all the time. It does wonders for my sense of security and I have some clear boundaries that I'm not afraid to maintain. (I'm 49 and male.)

I don't ever use my current boss as a reference. There's lots of customers and co-workers and past supervisors on my list. I'll bet there's a few colleagues you can call on.

As for being un-employable because you were fired, I used to work with a programmer who did time in the state penitentary for safe-cracking (And no he wasn't lying. I know something about cutting metal and he answered questions no normal, citizen would know.) The company knew it, his past employers knew it and I'll bet dollars to Navy beans his future employer knew it. He was and is a programmer and not one of the super-rare-bleeding-edge-$120/hour types either. It taught me a lesson: A confident "air" coupled with just the right amount of "attitude" can truly do wonders. Trust me; 30 years out of the job market has left you frozen in time about the reality of what an employer is likely to find acceptable.

30 years in one job and looking for a new one is VERY scary. People say, "Keep your head up!" and "Keep looking forward." That's what they said to me and I never knew how to implement it. Christianity didn't cut it. "Let go and let God." was one I heard a lot and I didn't know how. I know how to do all that now. I suggest you check around for Vipasana meditation (a.k.a. "mindfulness meditation") which is where I learned the "how" and my Christianity is still intact. If I'd known this 5 years earlier it'd saved me a nervous breakdown.

Last: There will be a future & you will be in it. It's a VERY big world out there and you can choose to ruminate on the past to the exclusion of the future. I used to do that and I don't anymore. Do not rule out the possibility of psychotropic medication. It saved me years of suffering and torment.

My best, my prayers and all the luck you can stand. *G*