Noreen, As a debutante (a single one that is!)and myself being a True-Born Lancastrian of the old blood, I would consider it a great honour, and indeed a considerable privaledge to be allowed to escort you through the minefield that Saddleworth Festival can be for the uninitiated.
Fear not gentle maiden, your honour is secure and your future is set on favourable.
I shall contact you myself by other means, with arrangements that will mean you shall be looked after every step of the way, and your comfort and security shall be my only concern, and a pleasurable outcome assured.
My you sleep soundly in this knowledge,
Your devoted friend, Scowie.