No, no. Wait a second. I just re-read those lyrics and some are not quite right. Here it is:

IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

(Repeat Chorus)

A pretty woman makes a man look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
You'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks your meals on time
She'll always give you peace of mind

(Chorus)

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

(Chorus)

(Spoken)
"Say man, I saw your wife the other day!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, and she is ugleeeeeee!"
"Yeah, she's ugly but she sure can cook, baby!"

Oh my gosh, these lyrics are appalling!

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Note from Joe Offer: The Great Song Thesaurus says that "If You Wanna Be Happy" was written in 1963 by Frank J. Guida, Carmela Guida, and Joseph Royster. The Harry Fox Agency Website (hfa.com) confirms the songwriter names and says the song was recorded by Jimmy Soul and by Kid Creole and the Coconuts.