This version is from the pen of the man who ought to be Poet Laureate!




Detritus - by Les Barker




Go placidly amid the noise and haste
And remember what peace there may be in silence
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead
Do not walk in front for I may not follow
Go over there somewhere

Speak your truth quietly and clearly
Be open-minded, but do not lean forward or your brain may fall out

Know that there will be good days and there will be bad days
And this is one of them

Always dismantle and clean the dog before going to bed
But avoid the use of spot remover, you may never see him again

You are a child of the universe
It is a small world unless you have to paint it
Do not wish for everything unless you have a really big cupboard

Avoid loud and aggressive persons
Sleep well
If you cannot sleep well, practice more often

Borrow from pessimists, they don't expect it back

Remember if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day
Teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink himself stupid

It is always darkest before the dawn
That is the time to steal your neighbours newspaper

Be gentle with yourself
Bear in mind that depression is anger without enthusiasm
And good health merely the slowest way to die

Never argue with a fool for he is doing the same

Know that if at first you don't succeed sky-diving's not a good idea
And that timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance

Always remember that all is not lost
Though I haven't seen it for some time

Be yourself
If you cannot become wiser try to be older

Never stand between the dog and the lamppost
And never hit a man with glasses
Always use something bigger and heavier
And remember that some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

A closed mouth gathers no feet
Nature abhors a vacuum cleaner

Be cheerful
Strive to be happy
And remember that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others

Go far
And start as soon as possible