Good luck with the operation Bobert. I agree with some of the other posters - you're in a very difficult situation since it's your wife's son, and I think you have to wait until she gets fed up and makes the decision that they HAVE to go. That is, unless you want to risk getting her upset both at the situation and with you, and I don't think that's what you want to happen. I'm sure she is really torn between knowing that she's enabling, and wanting to help her son for whom she feels a strong maternal instinct to protect, even though he's an adult. Intellectually she knows they need to go and they are sponging, but she's feeling the emotional pull - no matter how old he is, he's still her little boy. At least you'll be out of it for a while on pain meds....