There are really some great lines among all these posts - I think I shall attempt soon to use bits and pieces from each to produce a Final Copy!

My version which goes back to my West Country Rugby days, sadly many years ago - goes like this more or less

And down from the hills came Ahab, son of Ehab of the later Arabibab.
And he fell among thieves, not ordinary thieves, but arsehole thieves, who regged him , debagged him and nigh on shagged him and sent him on his way rejiocing - YEH but with a sore arse.

And he came upon a well, and the maid of the well said "tarryeth" and he tarried 40 days and 40 nights and on the 40th night the maid said " I bear thee a child, what steps wilt thou take?"

A fucking great big ine right across the desert and so it came tio pass he came upon a city wherein there dwelt a virgin queen.

"Shit" cried the Queen and 40000 arseholes turned towards Mecca.

"Fuck Me" cried the queen.

No-one stirred save an old man tooling in the corner who slipped it in like a well-worn sea boot.

And Daniel was cast into the lion's den where he shat a great shite, and the lion's, murmering among themselves said "what manner of man is this that shitteth such a great shite?"

So Daniel took a turd measuring 30 cubits by 40 cubits and did smite the King on the left knacker.Shot murmered Daniel, Shit said the King, Fuck Me Cried the queen.

At this point 10,000 courtiers were killed in the rush for in those days it was death to defy the queen