My recording says 'bites at her face' so it may be a bit different recording to one of those above, but I've put the words of mine below. I think this is closer than yours as a cow stuck in mud would bellow more than one trotting off. You'd take your clothes off and put them in a pile to swim rather than put them on, and that's why they are washed away by the sea. You 'run back in the water again' to cover your modesty from the ladies' school. In the race a rival laughed at him wearing wearing women's pants to run, rather than a painting.

You did a great job with all these lyrics and your work is much appreciated. It's easy for others to pick up wee tweaks, but you did the hardest job of getting them written down in the first place. Thank you.

joolz


I was told I had a funny face,
So I gave notice at my place,
Thought I'd go upon the stage.
Then I'd earn a decent wage.
I sang a song called "Boiled Beef and Carrots"
And "Take Your Umbrella with You, John"
With a funny suit of clothes
And an old red nose
As soon as I come on.

You can't help laughing, can you?
Don't it make you laugh? Not half!
I was a potman at the pub,
Got twelve bob a week and all me grub.
I worked hard down at the old Britannia.
Now I'm getting eighty quid a week for doing this!
Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

One fine night you trot into a show
Inside a picture palace-o,
Right in front of some young toff,
With his girl and what a laugh!
In the dark she start a-kissing him.
It stops the circulation of your blood.
She makes a funny row
Like an old milk cow
That's stuck fast in the mud.

You can't help laughing, can you?
Don't it make you laugh? Not half!
He kisses her and calls her his darling Flo
Bites at her face and she says, "Oh!"
As they're coming out. Don't it fair unman you?
It's your old woman with a tripe-shop man.
Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

Perhaps you think of going for a day
Down to a place called Pegwell Bay,
Put your togs all nice and trim,
While you go and have a swim.
In the water you feel funny
When the kippers come and nibble at your toes,
But don't you give a shout
When the tide goes out
And takes away your clothes.

You can't help laughing, can you?
Don't it make you laugh? Not half!
You look like Adam. You're nice and cool.
Then comes along a young ladies' school.
They pass by. The sun comes out to tan you,
But you have to run back in the water again.
Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

Now in a running racetrack chums and I
The Windsor Cup I thought I'd try.
I had on a fine costume
Rather large and lots of room
My poor rival began to giggle
Then he stumbled down to wallop on the track
I didn't pick him up,
But I won that cup
And shouted to him Jack-

You can't help laughing, can you?
Don't it make you laugh? Not half!
When you was a-laughing around your face
I did a sprint and won that race
It's all true. The pants in which I ran you.
They belonged to my woman that I wore that day
Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

You can't help laughing, can you?
Don't it make you laugh? Not half!
I was a potman at the pub,
Got twelve bob a week and all me grub.
I worked hard down at the old Britannia.
Now I'm getting eighty quid a week for doing this!
Well, you can't help laughing, can you?