TALE OF THE TICKER
music by Frank Crumit and lyrics by Frank O'Brien
(written in September, 1929 - a month or two before the crash)

This little pig went to market, where they buy and sell the stocks.
This little pig came home again, with his system full of shocks.
I don't understand their language, don't know what it's all about,
For a bull buys up and a bear sells down and a broker sells you out.

[Chorus]
And here is the song they sing the whole day long:
Oh! the market's not so good today; your stocks look kind of sick.
In fact they all drop down a point each time the tickers tick.
We'll have to have more margin now; there isn't any doubt,
So you better dash with a load of cash, or we'll have to sell you out.

The stock exchange is a funny place; it's the strangest place in town.
The seats cost half a million cash, but the brokers won't sit down.
There's the broker, the bull, and bear; it's queer but it's not a joke,
For you get the bull till your bank-roll's bare and the broker says you're broke.

[Chorus]

The market simply goes to prove that we still have loco weeds,
For the bull buys what he doesn't want, and the bear sells what he needs.
I bought an elevator stock, and thought that I'd done well,
And the little bears all ran down-stairs and rang the basement bell.

[Chorus]