Okay, it just so happens I was talkin' to Tom Cruise on the phone about an hour ago. We useta get together now and then when he would be comin' through Chicago, have a couple drinks, talk about show business and crime fightin'.

So I figgered I'd call him up and tell him people are yakkin' about him on Mudcat.

"What the hell is Mudcat?" he says.

I explain to him that it's an obscure internet hangout for a buncha old cranks who used to play folk music and that they are bad-mouthin' him.

"Nothing new about that," he says. "Tell them they can all kiss my ass."

And that about sums it up. Ook! Ook!

- Chongo