Music can even be a lifelife.

My mother just 3 months ago lost her second husband, my stepfather (who was just a wonderful guy--among other things, he knew one clean bilingual limerick, made 18th and 19th century toys, , did a crossword puzzle every day, vand sang a song from World War I. )    (Also told great stories, was a kayaker until he was 94, and a member of a Gilbert and Sullivan troupe for 20 years--he and I used to sit in front of the stereo and sing "Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes...".   He told a story for instance about having seen Harry Truman in 1951 and Truman said McCarthy's next campaign would be against red corpuscles.) Sharp as a tack right up to his death at 98.

But now he's gone. sadly.   So she has to make her way in the world without him. She's of course disoriented, still in shock--and mourning.    Even though he wouldn't want her to mourn. And it seems likely that she was cruising on his huge social skills.    She finds it hard to make friends--never been that outgoing.   Now of course is a real low point. But through playing and singing with the bluegrass-country band I've made a lot of friends at the retirement community, and I always try to introduce her to my new friends and get her talking to them, which leads to topics they have in common.

This is particularly essential now since my sister is trying hard to take her out of the retirement community--where she has lived for 7 years, and can and does walk to the post office, dinner, entertainment, the drug store, the bank etc. and has lots of grounds to walk around in, with lots of flora and fauna---it's a big retirement community.   My sister plans to take her 200 miles away to another "home" to where she will know nobody, not have a clue how to get around, and be totally dependent on my sister for everything.   And my sister is not even at home for weeks at a time.

In her current state my mother would likely curl up and die down there within 6 months.

So she needs a support network here as broad and deep as possible. And my friends through music--she and I are always meeting new people who ask when the next bluegrass-country session will be--are part of that network.

I also take her to concerts at the retirement community--as well as going on nature walks around the grounds, taking her to lectures outside the community and taking her home to Jan's and my house.   But it's crucial that she develop closer ties to the people and environment in her community. Fortunately she also has other ties--as long as she stays here-- especially to the garden (she has three plots), where she grows sunflowers and gives them to people. And she goes to courses given at the retirement community.

It's still not easy, of course. But without the music connection it would be much harder for her now.