Me too Janie......The 'Cat has been so slow lately that I haven't waited it out and not bothered trying repeatedly. Glad I made it today!

This thread is always close to my heart. I have seen some postings by Wendy on FB and greatly enjoyed her pictures and have touched some other bases as well but it frankly pisses me that this site seems to have slowed down so much and become less useable than I can ever recall. I think it bothers me more now than before because of this thread............

I'm okay. Things have developed into a pattern of sorts with the treatment. And that makes me think of Nigel's comments above.

My Mom and I were very close and when she died I was 18 and in college 250 miles away. We'd been expecting this for a long while but my Mom was always very positive to everyone except perhaps my Dad who played along with her attitude towards the outside world. When I got back home finally late in the night, Dad and I talked for several hours. The one thing he said that struck me then and now was, "Not a day will go by that you don't think of her."   He was more than right.

At first it was so far out in front of my thoughts it was painful. But as the grief process took place the pain lessened and some happiness in her memories took over. The dates of importance began to kick in and again at first they were at best bittersweet but as time passed two things happened. The daily thoughts still occurred as they do even today but they are brief thoughts relating to something or nothing....brief thoughts that bring me a warm feeling. Special dates became more numerous and they came with happier memories and limited sadness or melancholy. Those times which at first caused me so much pain became more numerous and gave me real joy in the stories I recalled of her. Now I value those special days as times I can tell stories about her and bring her back to people who never knew her. And she's back without tears and often with smiles and laughter.

Same thing when my Dad died a few years later. And as I've gotten older and lost close friends, they too have entered the pattern. Awhile back I wondered if perhaps I was too involved with dead folks so I asked Karen and a couple of others if this might be the case. They didn't think so and had never really noticed. They just enjoyed the stories most of which had me as the "butt of the joke."

I have no idea if any of the above makes sense in any way. If it does I'm glad and if it doesn't simply write it off as the ravings of a lunatic mind .............

I love you all!



Spaw