Guest too ashamed, etc.
I share your aversion. I too had a life long fear of dentists. For me, the experience was ruined in childhood by a barbarian who refused to freeze my baby teeth when either doing a filling or an extraction, because in his words "freezing wasn't required because they were just baby teeth." Yeah right.

For years, I avoided dentists because of the fear of pain. Finally my teeth reached such a state of neglect that I had to do something or I would have ended up losing them all. So in search of a new painless dentist, I began asking around amongst my friends. I went to see a few different ones, and spoke with the patients of each dentist in the waiting room about him. After deciding on a dentist, I scheduled an appointment. I made it very clear to him at the onset about my fear of dentists, and having an extremely low pain threshold. I wanted iron clad assurances that (a) he'd give me nitrous oxide, (b) lots of freezing and (c) that he would wait long enough for the freezing to really take hold before starting any drilling. He readily agreed and said "why don't you tell me when you feel nice and numb?". This, is the only dentist I will see to this day. Thousands of dollars later and after much cosmetic and restorative work enabling me to have all my own teeth, I thank the day I found this dentist. (I no longer require the nitrous as I trust this dentist and don't mind being "present in the room while the work is being done."

A good, sensitive dentist is like finding a good auto mechanic. Once you find one, don't let he/she go. And Guest, don't be afraid of telling a dentist about your fears and pain tolerances. If they don't show any sensitivity to you, you know to search elsewhere. Good ones are definitely out there. Good luck and don't let this go.