These lyrics copied from Songs That Never Grow Old (New York : Syndicate Pub. Co., 1913), page 126:


THE FUTURE MRS 'AWKINS
Albert Chevalier, 1892?

1. I knows a little doner.
I'm about to own 'er.
    She's a-goin' to marry me.
At fust she said she wouldn't,
Then she said she couldn't,
    Then she whispered, "Well, I'll see."
Sez I, "Be Missis 'Awkins,
Missis 'Enry 'Awkins,
    Or acrost the seas I'll roam.
So 'elp me bob, I'm crazy.
Lizer, you're a daisy.
    Won't yer share my 'umble 'ome?
    Won't yer?"

CHORUS: Oh, Lizer, sweet Lizer,
If yer die an old maid, you'll 'ave only yerself to blame.
D'y'ear, Lizer? Dear Lizer,
'Ow d'yer fancy 'Awkins for yer other name?

2. I shan't forgit our meetin'.
"G'arn" was 'er greetin'.
    "Just yer mind wot you're about!"
'Er pretty 'ead she throws up,
Then she turns 'er nose up,
    Sayin', "Let me go; I'll shout!"
"I like your style," sez Lizer.
Thought as I'd surprise 'er.
    Cops 'er round the waist like this!
Sez she, "I must be dreamin'.
Chuck it! I'll start screamin'!"
    "If yer do," sez I, "I'll kiss.
    Now then—"

3. She wears a artful bonnet,
Feathers suck upon it,
    Coverin' a fringe all curled.
She's just about the sweetest,
Prettiest and neatest,
    Doner in the wide, wide world!
And she'll be Missis 'Awkins,
Missis 'Enry 'Awkins.
    Got 'er for to name the day.
Settled it last Monday,
So to church on Sunday.
    Off we trots the donkey shay.
    Now then—

LAST CHORUS: Oh, Lizer, sweet Lizer,
If yer died an old maid you'd 'ave only yerself to blame.
D'y'ear, Lizer? Dear Lizer,
Missis 'Enry 'Awkins is a fust-class name!