A comic strip based on this song, and containing the lyrics, can be seen at Mike Absalom's website. You can hear the song at YouTube (in addition to Spotify).


THE SAGA OF ERNIE PLUGG'S BUST
As sung by Mike Absalom on "Mike Absalom" (1971)

1. Sunday morning, our story so far:
Ma was feeling a bit below par.
Pa was feeling a bit below Ma as well.
Suddenly mother said:
"Father dear, get out of that bed.
I thought I heard somebody knocking at the bell."
Standing in the hall among the potted plants,
They saw a big detective constable advance.
"Mister and Mrs Aloysius Plugg,
We've got your son down in the jug.
Arrested him on a narcotics charge."

2. Well, the story's tragic and it's sad.
There was a barmaid and her name was Glad.
Let me tell you about the bloke she dug. (Dig, dig, dig.)
She worked down at the Brace and Bit.
Although she was a brazen bit,
She had a man; his name was Ernie Plugg.
With his great big boots and his tartan braces,
He like to beat up freaks and other races,
But this night he'd given Gladys thrills,
Brought her plastic daffodils
Stolen from the Brompton Cemet'ry.

3. Now Shooter lived up in "The Gate."
Man, I don't exaggerate.
He overdid all you could overdo.
Well, he popped pills; he sniffed glue,
Tried inhaling Harpic too.
It nearly sent him round the bend; that's true.
That night he'd been out to score some shit.
He was far, far gone when he reached the Brace and Bit.
He wandered in; he stood quite still
'Cause he saw the plastic daffodils
And he said: "Oh, man! Them blossoms turn me on."

4. Well they looked him up; they looked him down.
Gladys said: "I like your gown"
And Ernie said: "Well, you can have it, Glad." (Gladly!)
He picked up Shooter by the hair
And stripped him till he hung there bare,
And Shooter said: "Oh, man! This strip is bad."
He turned quite green, and shuddering with fright,
He went and ran out naked in the night,
And Ernie said: "Let's try it first."
He put it on, then in there burst
MacLagan and the drug squad through the door.

5. MacLagan said: "Don't be afraid.
It's just another routine raid.
If no one breathes, no one will get hurt.
We'll start with Joseph and his coat."
And seizing Ernie by the throat,
He ripped his pockets out and tore his shirt.
Then he smiled and said: "Hello, hello, hello!
What's all this then? Aspirins, I suppose."
And he tripped him up and kicked his face.
Said: "Sorry to disturb your inner space,
But what you need, my lad, is a rest. (You're under arrest.)"

6. Sunday evening at the Plugg's,
Father blames the curse of drugs.
Pa is drunk; Ma is tranquilized.
Ernie's got six months in jail.
Glad is left to tell the tale.
By the plastic daffodils she cries.
Father blames the younger generation:
"Ain't got no bloody respect or veneration!"
Sunday evening at the bar,
Ma is feeling a bit below par.
Pa is feeling Gladys all over now.

SPOKEN: He's feeling glad it's all over now!