GIDEON BIBLE
(Robert W. Schmertz)

When the shades of night are falling
And you're in a small hotel,
If you hear temptation calling
Do not phone or ring the bell.
While the shades of night still darken
Do not think of girls and booze,
To your conscience you should harken
And this will help you choose:

CHORUS:
You should read your Gideon Bible,
You should read your Gideon Bible,
Read Genesis and Exodus and Chronicles and Kings.
Deuteronomy and Numbers
Will lead you to your slumbers
And Matthew, Mark and Luke and John
Will fold you in their wings.

You should read how Father Adam
And our Mother Eve were bored.
They bit the serpent's apple
Antagonized the Lord.
So he drove them from the Garden
Of Eden in disgrace
And that is how they started
Our crazy human race!

You should read how Captain Joshua
Blew the horn at Jericho.
Those walls of sin came tumbling in -
His soul was white as snow.
You should read how little David
Slew Goliath with a rock:
He didn't use a slingshot -
It was wrapped up in a sock!

You should read how Brothers Shadrach,
Meshach and Abednego
Came through the fiery furnace
With just a rosy glow.
You should read how Brother Daniel
Was thrown in the lion's den:
When he said he was Kiwanis
They threw him out again!

You should read how young Delilah
Barbered poor old Samson's hair;
He used to be a hippy
But now he's just a square.
You should read how young Salome
Fin'lly dropped her seventh veil:
She'd been wearing a Bikini
And parts of her were pale!

You should read how Father Noah
Parked the ark on Ararat.
He lowered away the gangway
And then he hollered "Scat!"
You should read how Brother Jonah
Did nauseate the whale
For Jonah came from Harvard
And the whale, he came from Yale!

You should read how Father Moses
On Sinai found the word,
He found the Ten Commandments
Dictated by the Lord.
And when you read those "Shalt Nots"
And think of what they said,
Just close your Gideon Bible
And stagger off to bed!

Source: A Picture Book of Songs, by Robert W. Schmertz (1976)