This shows signs of being two songs medleyed together, because the tune and verse structure changes after the second verse.


THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE MARRIED MAN
As sung by Uncle Charlie Osborne on "The June Appal Recordings" (2008)

I have a little place that I call my own.
    There's no place like home.
And I have a little wife; she's the plague of my life.
    There's no place like home.
When you come in tired from a hard day's work,
Six-seven kids greet you with their face black as dirt,
And leave half their supper on the bosom of your shirt.
    There's no place like home.

When the baby cries out in the middle of the night,
    There's no place like home.
You'll search for castor oil without any light,
    There's no place like home.
Make a step on the point of an upturned tack,
Come a-slidin' downstairs on the middle of your back,
And your wife'll holler out: "Oh, hurry up, Jack."
    There's no place like home.

[When a] man is a-going with a purty little girl,
He talks just as gentle as a dove,
Spends his money and he calls her honey,
For it sure is bothered in love.

Cross-eyed baby on each knee,
And a wife with a plaster on her nose—
Find true love; don't hunt those moves(?) [or "so smooth"(?)]
When you wear your second-hand clothes.

Boys, keep away from the girls, I say,
And give them lots of room,
For you'll find when you're wed, they'll bang you till you're dead
With the bald-headed end of the broom.

Home, home, sweet home!
With your wife's cold feet in the middle of your back,
There's no place like home.