The only danger food in my life is that revolting sour and sloppy abomination apple sauce. The danger lies in the fact that if you try to put some on my plate I'm going to have you arrested.


Mind you, at a fiesta in Andalucia a couple of weeks ago the village bar served everyone up with a paella tapas that no-one could even imagine trying to actually eat. The rice was a lurid yellow colour and smelled of drains. Mine contained what appeared to be a piece of raw pig hide and a small whole octopus that looked like it had just died (probably of food poisoning). My sister assured me that the bar redeemed itself the following week with some very nice food.