some things never change

LIBERAL LEADERSHIP

By John Dengate   © 1971


Well, God looked down from heaven saying, "Peace, Good will to men."
Then cast his eyes on Canberra and he blinked and looked again.
For there he saw unfolding quite a foul and fiendish plot;
The Liberal Party leadership was in the melting pot.

"I'm leader," squawks poor Snedden, "God knows I'm leader still."
"We know you are," they answer, "Of course you're leader, BiII -
But best beware the ides of March and try to get the knack
Of building up immunity to daggers in the back."

They filed into the party room where Menzies' portrait frowned
(And next to that is Harold Holt's, done just before he drowned).
Oh, you remember Harold Holt; he chose a watery fate;
And so would you if you were plagued by Zara and Jeff Bate.

Now Mr. Lynch is cunning and he shows a bit of sense
When called on to commit himself; he sits upon the fence.
He doesn't like the sight of blood; the thought he's bound to shun,
So he reserves his loyalty to when the winner's won.

And since Lynch is so clever and so neutral and so fair,
They asked him would be please oblige and so he took the chair.
"The leadership (he cleared his throat) is vacant we agree."
And people right across the land replied, "You're telling me."

Well, anyway, the time had come to put it to the vote.
"I'm leader!" bawled Bill Snedden - "Sit down, you billy goat -
The democratic process is the thing that must prevail. "
(A voice from somewhere on the right was heard to cry "Sieg Heil!"

It was raving Billy Wentworth - he rose to have his say -
"I move the Chinese army should turn round the other way
And march into Mongolia where they would die of thirst
Or we'd attack them from behind, whichever happened first."

He also moved that rice should be declared a noxious weed
But they ruled him out of order so the meeting could proceed.

Well, we all know Fraser got the nod and Snedden got the sack
(Why, in the second verse I mentioned daggers in the back);
He's gone the way of Bill McMahon, the way that Gorton went.
Now Fraser's treading lightly lest he stir up discontent-
No wonder the employment situation looks so crook;
There's out-of-work ex-Liberal leaders everywhere you look.

Published in 'My Shout: Songs and Poems by John Dengate, Sydney, Bush Music Club, 1982


Menzies - founder of the Liberal party & very long term Prime Minister (1939-1941 & 1949-1966 = 18 years)

Harold Holt - short-term Liberal PM

Zara & Jeff - Harold's widow & her second husband

Billy Wentworth - eccentric member of Australian's oldest political dynasty

Fraser, Snedden, McMahon & Gorton - shorter-term Liberal Prime Ministers